Out on the open water

It's been one year since I've arrived in the valley.  wow.  I realized, through my great recordkeeping on my iCal, that it was almost exactly 2 years ago that I decided I need to leave Chicago.  I remember going out to brunch with a large group after church and I sat there thinking "Oh my goodness, I am bored out of my mind... if I don't leave soon, will I ever be able to??"  I can't remember what we were talking about or even where we were, but it gave me the revelation that this is not the place or life for me.

While I'm not changing the world, it's good to know that I'm doing some good for at least one community.  And, that even my free time isn't so selfish.  It's all about community.  It has been a good year, hard, but good.  The San Luis Valley really is a beautiful place (even if it doesn't look like it!) that is filled with people who are often ignored by others, but supported in this community.  I love that I already know about half the people out here and work often bumps into personal life.

Since it's the end of one year for me, that means it's the end and beginning of another term!  Ben left last week, he was a great member of the house, he will be missed!  We have two new volunteers with us now: Asha and Sarah.  Asha came in the beginning of July, she's from Indiana and went to Grinnel College in Iowa, and she's working at Tu Casa (support for women in abusive relationships).  Sarah came at the end of July, she's from Fresno, CA, and went to UC Berkley, she's working at PALS (a program for at risk youth, where Chloe worked).  I think it's going to be a good year.

That also means... a year till I try to move back to Seattle!!

Photos from the last few weeks...

Like a bee rushing to a bowl of honey

Last week was World Breastfeeding Week!  I don't know if you know, but breastfeeding support, education, and advocacy are some of my passions.  We here in the valley participated in "The Big Latch On" on Saturday Aug 6 at 10:30am, joining women around the world.  We had a decent turnout for the valley- 9 people latching on and others standing in support!  I'm part of the breastfeeding coalition that put the even together.

As someone who doesn't have kids, I'm a big fan of the surgeon general's report about how much of the discontinuation of breastfeeding is from lack of support outside the home.  While I can't relate personally to the trails and struggles (or the joys and connection), I know the benefits and have seen enough barriers to want to speak out we should tear down these walls and support women who breastfeed.  My ultimate goal is to see breastfeeding as normal.  I wrote this article for the "Valley Courier" last week and I was a little annoyed by the headline that they gave "Breastfeeding is natural," while this is true, it also puts it into the hippy category that it shouldn't be.  So, here are my thoughts that I shared with the entire valley...

Breastfeeding happens. Breastfeeding is normal. We are all part of the breastfeeding community, directly or indirectly. We all need to support each other to make breastfeeding the norm for all babies. While mom to mom and provider to mom support is so important, the support that women get outside the home and clinic can have just as much of an impact. It is not mothers alone that make breastfeeding possible, but the community (friends, family, work, neighbors) that can sustain the continuation of breastfeeding.

I’m not the typical breastfeeding advocate and that’s a good thing. I don’t have kids and I don’t even remember my experience as a breastfed baby (although I am proud that I was breastfed). However, I believe people have the right to all the information regarding health and to carry out the decisions that they make based on this information.

If we make women uncomfortable and add extra barriers to breastfeeding in public, the woman has a lower chance of continuing to feed her baby the nutrients it needs to grow and be healthy. This can look different for everyone. Just as you might need to pick up a snack when you’re unexpectedly hungry in the afternoon, a baby might need to eat randomly during the day. Every mom will have different levels of comfort with what they want to do in public, but every mom should have the opportunity to feed her child as needed.

Ultimately, it is my goal to see breastfeeding as so normal in everyday life that no one makes it a big deal when breastfeeding happens. I don’t mean to downplay the significance and beauty of breastfeeding, but I want to celebrate the normalcy of the breastfeeding mom. She’s not alone, she’s not trying something new and different, but she’s in a community that supports babies and a healthy start to life for everyone.

And, wherever you see this sign, you know that breastfeeding is supported!

World Go Round

15 years ago today, my life became a whole lot better. On Aug 3, 1996, I saw the band No Doubt for the first time ever. It was at EndFest '96 (is that still going on??). On July 19, 2009, my life was basically completed when I had the chance to meet them at my 13th concert in 13 years (5 states and 2 countries)!

It's hard to describe my love of ND to people who don't have a favorite band, or a band that has influenced them in such a way (although it’s so great to meet people who can relate). I fell in love with them when I was 10 years old in 5th grade. I actually remember the first time I heard "Just a Girl". Now, my dad can’t remember a lot about last week, but he always reminds me that when we heard “Just a Girl” on the radio for the first time, he turned it up and I was indifferent. This is not to say that I didn’t like it, I remember thinking I did, but I have to admit I didn’t go crazy the first time I heard it. However, I finally got the “Tragic Kingdom” CD and have never been the same.  There have been few bigger influences in my life than this band, and yes there have been bigger influences. I'm not saying they are some great band (although I do love their music), but my love comes more from what they have meant to me over the years.

Now, I know that some of you may think that this band is just some dumb pop group, but I see otherwise. Their lyrics are truly from the heart. That is probably my favorite thing about them- I can totally relate to what they sing about, it's like therapy. Their music is fun and charged. They are great live- so full of energy. The video “Live From the Tragic Kingdom” and "Rock Steady Live" really capture their live sets, I recommend checking them out. Their style has changed since they started it, but that's another thing about them- they mix so much together.  I like to think that it's them evolving as a band. In the end, I don’t think that you have to like their music, just please don’t think they are just another pop group. Also, while I like Gwen Stefani, I’m a No Doubt fan first and foremost.

Meeting No Doubt was definitely one of the biggest moments in my life. It’s just crazy to think that something I wanted soooo badly, but thought was sooooo out of reach, actually happened. It was just great to be able to say my two cents about what they mean to me and to tell it to them personally- ah, I still can’t believe it happened.....

Wanna realize something crazy? They haven’t released a new album in almost 10 years! I get nervous, but excited, every time I hear new music from them.

Now, for the LIST... my top 15 favorite No Doubt songs. This was hard, like really hard. They aren't in an order, except for "Just a Girl" is #1.

1. Just a Girl- Tragic Kingdom
2. Total Hate '95- Beacon Street Collection
3. Let's Get Back- No Doubt
4. Staring Problem- Return of Saturn
5. Rock Steady- Rock Steday
6. Bathwater- Return of Saturn
7. Panic- Everything in Time  (not on YouTube, but such a good song!)
8. Don't Speak- Tragic Kingdom
9. Don't Let me down- Rock Steady
10. Simple Kind of Life- Return of Saturn
11. Leftovers- Everything in Time
12. You Can Do It- Tragic Kingdom
13. Running- Rock Steady
14. Sometimes- No Doubt
15. Open the Gate- Beacon Street Collection

Honorable mentions: Move On, It's My Life, In My Head, Artificial Sweetner... ok, I'll stop.

My top favorite ND shows were
1.  July 19, 2009: with Brenna, Lisa, and my mom... meeting them!!
2.  November 9, 2002: Portland on my ND weekend senior year of high school- so fun!
3.  August 3, 1996: Kitsap Fairgrounds, first time!
4. May 24, 1997: first show at the Gorge!

Lastly, I do want to show my objectivity: While “Just a Girl” is my favorite song of all time, I think their song “World Go Round” is one of the worst songs of all time.

P.S. Most of this post was taken from an "entertaining" speech I did my senior year of high school for a class!  Not much has changed, I'm a pretty loyal person.

Join our insect nation!

Oh 4th of July, I always have mixed feelings... but maybe that will be another post at another time.

It was a busy weekend, so I didn't have to think about it too much.  (I did miss yelling "America, F*ck  YEAH!").  Lots of movement happened: a friend moved in down the street (yay!), two friends left the Valley (sad), and a new volunteer moved in with us (so far, so good...).  This meant for lots of community meals!  Oh, I ate soooo much, but a lot of it was from our garden- so fun!  We served a Taco Salad as a main dish for 10 people with lettuce and spinach from the garden.  I made a great Chard Cheese Bake with a lb of rainbow chard and some onions from the garden.  We spent one evening out at a friend's house in Alamosa Canyon, AKA middle of nowhere, it was great!  Of course, no small town celebration of America is complete without a holiday parade.  This one has nothing on Bainbridge, but this also pretty much the same one for the many parades in town.

Ok, I do need to say a few, just a few, things about patriotism...  Another thing I love about the Mennonites?  They don't say the Pledge of Allegiance or sing the National Anthem, because they can't "pledge allegiance" to anything but God and our nation isn't just the US, it's the world.  I love it.  And really what does it mean to be patriotic anyway?

I was all weird again

Ok, there's been way too many pictures here...

It is interesting to not have alcohol a part of my life, really at all, down here. I would say my biggest reason for not drinking much here is finances- it's just not that important to me to spend what little money I have on it (which is a good sign). There is also the fact that my housemates don't drink (and are a bit more anti than I think I would care for), but I could if I wanted to.

I think it's been a good change. Not that alcohol has ever been a focal point in my life, but it has held a certain place along the way. It's funny to look back at views and fears of it over the years. In high school and some college, I was scared of it really. It was this pretty unknown thing to me. Not that I didn't know what it was- good and bad- but I didn't have any personal connection to it (besides seeing some it's more unfortunate effects). One thing I didn't like was that it kept me from seeing bands who played at bars- even though I didn't even want to drink! I had always steered clear of it because I didn't like the idea of not being control over my own emotions or alcohol's potential hold over me. Another thing was that I honestly just didn't like the taste.

The church's stance on alcohol also made me a bit confused. There are some fairly vague verses about not letting yourself be under an influence and that your body is a temple (if there are others, please let me know). Then there many cultural things that make the church weary of alcohol- it's not what you're "supposed to do" and, yes, it does come with some consequences. I started getting pretty confused when I saw people I looked up to not only drinking, but making it. This did open me up to the art of beer.. and alcohol in general.

Then something changed when I turned 21. I found a beer that I liked- Hoegarden. Oh man, I was excited. I was also scared and nervous. I started slowly, enjoying this new thing in my life. I spent nights out enjoying myself and friends. I never drank something I didn't like the taste of just to drink, I've always appreciated what I'm drinking. Honestly, I'm happy with my decisions regarding alcohol, even if some of them weren't the best (including not drinking and being a little judgmental, I know where you're coming from if you're there). A few times through the years, I have made a point of going out and not drinking just to be in control of my relationship with alcohol. It wasn't that I felt there was a problem, just didn't want a problem to begin.

Now that things are toned way down for me, it's interesting to think about what I like and don't like about drinking. Honestly, I miss being tipsy and letting loose. I think this can be and has been a really good thing. I love seeing the effects of just one drink on people at dinner and really start talking. I miss buying and trying different kinds of beer. I don't miss a hangover (although now my body does let me know when I've had even 1 or 2). I don't miss that feeling of “Oops, maybe I shouldn't have had that last one.” 

What does it mean for a Christian to drink and even enjoy being tipsy? I'm not sure, but I'm also not sure there is anything wrong with it by itself. It doesn't control me, I don't NEED it. I don't mean to downplay the darker side of drinking, that it can be a problem. There is a thin line between enjoying and having a problem... and when to say something. It's hard to judge alcohol from the outside as when people when people don't understand ENJOYING alcohol, not abusing. I really relate it to having a problem with food, because you can have too much, become addicted, and it can have serious health and psychological effects, but that doesn't mean food in and of itself is bad.

Objections?  Concerns?  I'd love to hear it, because if we don't talk about it, nothing gets done.  We will continue to be "those people" to each other.

Trapped in a Box

Community living.  Yes, this is what I signed up for.  Yes, I knew it would be hard for me.  Yes, this is what I wanted.  Or, so I thought.
I'll be honest, I don't love it.  It's not the people (I like them), it's me.  I'm realizing I love control.  I'm know I can't (and don't want to) control my housemates.  My philosophy on living with people is: you affect me, good or bad, you affect me; and I affect you, good or bad.  Sometimes we affect each other too much.
However, that being said, I do like WHY I'm living in community.  For me, I'm doing this so that I can relieve a bit of financial pressure from the public health department of this rural county (have you heard?  there's no money in public health) and only receive a small stipend each month for full time work.  Then, that money goes into the house fund and we all pool our stipends together and live simply to support each other to volunteer in the community.  I think this is a great way to do it.  I like that I'm not getting money from other people, so I have more freedom- don't get me wrong, I think that can be a beautiful thing and I've supported people... I would just have to be 100% sure about the work and the organization (which I wasn't going into this).
With that, it does make me feel weird to think about living by myself again.  I loooooove living by myself and I am sure that I will do it again.  I miss the ownership and independence of it all.  However, it will be different for me to spend that much money on just housing when (in all honesty) I could be sharing with someone and using that money for more worthwhile purposes.  I'll have to see how I can justify to myself... I'm sure I'll figure out something!

But I do enjoy this...

...although hopefully people will come over for dinner, right?!?

I get one every year

It was my birthday on Sunday, I'm 26!  It's been a while since I've been so calm about turning another year older.  I think the last time was when I turned 21, it's been downhill ever since, hehe.
I had a good weekend away.  We took a retreat to Rocky Mountain Mennonite Camp outside of Colorado Springs.  It was soooo beautiful there!  We stayed in a little cabin in the woods.  On Saturday we made waffles (our house thing) and went on a couple of pretty light, but nice, hikes around the camp.  The rest of the day was spent relaxing then making yummy food.  There were some games there and I picked up a box of Trivial Pursuit questions and just started asking, not playing the game or keeping score.  Man, that was fun!
It's funny to think about where you're "supposed" to be in life.  I remember telling Chloe "this is what I'm supposed to be doing" and she quickly turned into the carefree 20 year she was and said "you should be doing what you want, not necessarily what you're 'supposed' to be doing."  Well, I don't think I really think about it in the sense of "what does society tell me to be doing at this age?"  I think more about "what is really important to me and is that a focus in my life?" because that's what I should be doing- what's really important to me.  Well, I'd like to think I'm doing that.  I thank God for giving me this opportunity to have the freedom to focus on what really matters and what is important to me.
Am I where I thought I would be at 26?  Not necessarily.  Am I doing something I'm proud of?  I think so.  Have I taken advantage of life?  For the most part, yes.  I am where I'm supposed to be, even if it isn't always exactly where I am "supposed" to be.

Crumbling continuity

I am going to be a bridesmaid for the 5th time this year- well, technically 4th and 5th time as I will be in 2.  Isn't there some sort of saying about girls like me...
I think it's more of a blessing than a curse, because I think this happens for a reason.  Not as in "all things happen for a reason", but as in there is an actual reason this happens.  It's where people put their priorities (and I don't mean that in a haughty sense, please read on).  The fact that I have had 5 friends ask me to stand with them for this important decision and life change is pretty incredible.  I have good friendships and I have put them at a priority in my life (also keep in my mind: I am an only child).  Maybe at a cost to other things in my life.  Or, maybe in order to not deal with other things.  Another thing, I take being a bridesmaid pretty seriously.  I am a part of your union and will do my best to keep it that way and do what I can to keep the union.  It's not a popularity contest, it's a matter of who is going to be there and support you.
I do want to say a few things about being 25 and single for most of my life.  While I do believe "Being alone... there's a certain dignity to it", there are times when I don't want to be alone, but I still want my dignity.  For too long, I've thought it was either you are so happy being single or you are desperate and pathetic.  Well, I'm learning there is a middle ground and I'm getting there.  I have friends in so many different places in life and really have just come to the conclusion that life can be difficult (single or attached), but life can be awesome and it really is what you make of it.  Being free and independent can be great, sharing experiences with one person can be great; being alone and frustrated can be hard, dealing with one person for the rest of your life can be hard.  The grass isn't any greener on the other side; really your own grass is just fine, but if you don't like it, work on your it and stop envying other grass (because they are probably thinking the same thing... or looking at other grass).  Wow, that analogy went far, huh?  I just don't want to be pitied or pressured.
Wanna know my least favorite question I get as a single girl?  When I tell people my ideas and plans for my life, they respond with "Well, just wait till you meet a special guy."  First of all, I never really know how to respond to that (especially because, compared to others, I really don't get that much grief about being single).  Second, I just want to ask "Who is this guy that is going to come in and ruin everything?"  I mean, don't you want someone with similar passions and ideas or at least supports yours, instead of resenting someone for "holding you back"?  I realize things change and people change (I've changed "on my own"... just look at where I'm living, anything can happen), but I hope no one sets everything they truly care about aside to be with someone who doesn't support their own passions and ideas.  And, I certainly hope no one thinks I'm that girl who will, just to not be alone.  Ultimately, I never say any of this to the person, I probably just sort of half fake laugh.
Lastly, I am grateful for the my single life I've had.  I've made some great friends, done some neat things, and taken advantage of being independent.  My abilities to be on my own, make tough decisions and navigate the world by myself are things I wouldn't trade for much.  Your life experiences make you who you are.  Enjoy it.

Working so hard

I just finished reading a good book- "Nickel and Dimed" by Barbara Ehrenreich. She's a writer that takes an assignment to work menial jobs. It's not a perfect 'study', but it's an interesting perspective. It's an "outsider" perspective, which is how I feel out here.

I wanted to share one of the last paragraphs of the book with you, I loved it...

The welfare poor were excoriated for thier laziness, their persistence in reproducing in unfavorable circumstances, their presumed addictions, and above all their "dependency." Here they were, content to live off "government handouts" instead "self-sufficiency", like everyone else, through a job... What are we to do and feel?... Isn't guilt what we're supposed to feel? But guilt doesn't go anywhere near far enough; the appropriate emotion is shame- shame at our own dependency, in this case, on the underpaid labor of others. When someone works for less pay than she can live on- when, for example, she goes hungry so that you can eat more cheaply and conveniently- then she has made a great sacrifice for you, she has made you a gift of some part of her abilities, her health, and her life. The "working poor," as they are approvingly termed, are in fact the major philanthropists of our society. They neglect their own children so that the children of others will be cared for; they live in substandard housing so that other homes will be shiny and perfect; they endure privation sot that inflation will be low and stock prices high. To be a member of the working poor is to be anonymous donor, a nameless benefactor, to everyone else. As Gail, one of my restaurant coworkers put it, "you give and you give."

Ok, I do want to offer some hope, as cynicism is a luxury for the well off. We don't live in a world where if you work hard enough you WILL be successful, but it isn't always a dog eat dog world out there either. People do care, people do change their lives, but we need each other. We can be part of the solution. I'm getting interested in wealth distribution. Ok, don't freak out... but I do think too few people make too much money. Something is wrong with that picture. Something is wrong when I have more stuff than I need and others don't have enough to eat. I will go back to Tim Keller's idea of "Justice Living": basically, we shouldn't be a burden to others in our giving, but we should feel the burden of giving. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say "be like me" or that I am living like this now, as I'm not at the point of figuring it out, but I'm excited about new ideas and hopeful about the future.

Optimism is looking outside and saying "It looks wonderful!" no matter what. Hope is looking outside and saying "It looks like crap out there, but let's enjoy it while we can". While pessimism is looking the wrong way down a one street, so try to look both ways, ok?

[yes, that's a Gwen Stefani song quote in the title, I recognize this and apologize... but it fit]

It's too real now

So, I've had my little Seattle Christmas vacation (and didn't a take a single picture, I'm an idiot) and I'm back in the swing of things. It's funny how this is normal life now. I feel as though I'm getting into the thick of it now. The honeymoon phase is over. My ideals and perceptions are being challenged as reality sets in. Why, again, am I here? What am I really doing here? It's weird when "social justice work" just becomes.... well, work.

I need to be reminded of my purpose here. I need something to keep me interested. I need to set priorities. I want to keep learning. I want to take more photos. I want to get to know people.

The good news is that I'm glad to be back. Even though I wanted to stay longer in Seattle and wish the valley was 4 hours away from Seattle, not Denver. The good news is that things are happening here. Even though some of them are hard and not fun, I will learn; and others are great and exciting!

I'm realizing I take things for granted. And, that I used to take things for granted that are not a part of my life now. To remind myself, to take something for granted means that I act as though it'll always be available to me and I'm not grateful that it is there at all.

I'll be honest, I hate not making money. It's not just that I don't make "much" money, it's that I don't make any whatsoever. Whatever I have in bank right now is what I will have for the next year and a half, it's not getting replenished any time soon. However, I do take that little money I have in the bank for granted. It is a luxury to be able to be a volunteer, a fact I always find interesting.

I would say that I take my friends and family for granted, for this I'm sorry. Have you ever been around people that don't really reference "my friend"? I have and I'm noticing it more. I don't know where I would be without these great people in my life who really know me. We are called to love the friendless, which is hard because there is usually a "reason" they are friendless.

I take my church experience for granted. It hasn't always been the best experience, but I'm thankful it hasn't been the worst. This home church with half Mennonites, half everything else, is really challenging my ideas on what church is. Things that I think make up a church service aren't what others need. This is making me think about what really is important to church and what I want to see. We have all been shaped by our past experiences and have to allow for new experiences to continue to shape us.

All this to say, I'm looking forward to the new year of my now normal life here in the valley. I just pray I take advantage of it and don't miss opportunities.

Comforting lie (part 2)

I think every Christian needs to watch this, liberal and conservative. I think every non-Christian should watch this, to get a better idea of who the real Jesus is, not what the loud mouths on tv claim.

My favorite part: If this is going to be a Christian that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus is just as selfish as we are, or we have got to acknowledge that He commands us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.

Just beautiful.

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Stand and deliver

I'm constantly amazed by God's faithfulness to me and those around me. True, there's crap in the world and I've personally dealt with crap, but it's easier to deal with when you know that someone is in control and there is a reason for the madness. When going through difficult times, it's hard to see the light, but when you get those glimpses of sun light coming or when you finally get out of the darkness, the light is blinding and amazing.

Remember how I kept saying "this is the least stressful time of my life", well I am grateful for that time as it as prepared me for the past month (well, honestly, I'm still not stressed out). I have heard of and experienced more death, sickness, and problems in just the last month than I am used to, but I'm at peace with it. One thing I love about the Bible is that it doesn't say that everything is going to be great if you just believe in God, it gives reason for the crap in the world. It's beyond me why people fall into the "health and wealth" gospel, aren't they just constantly disappointed and feeling guilty?? We live in a fallen world with fallen people, it's going to be hard, but you're not alone and God is in control. Really, there's nothing that I can do on my own to change the junk and I'm thankful that is not all on me in my weakness.

There are many things to be thankful (and I really didn't mean this to be a "What are you thankful for on Thanksgiving?" post, honest). Being cynical about what you are not thankful for is not going to get you anywhere- well, I guess just depressed and pathetic. I fight cynicism almost daily- I want to hope and be encouraged! I'm thankful that I am here in the valley and I'm excited about what I'm doing in my job and the relationships I'm forming out here. I'm thankful for this little church that we're starting- it encourages me to be excited about church again and it's freeing me to think and feel how God leads me without fear of judgement. I'm thankful for my friends and family wherever they might be (in life and the world) at the moment. I love that I have so many great people in my life doing amazing and different things, you spur to move forward and evolve. I'm thankful for changes and beauty, so thankful to see the sunrise and sunset over the snowcapped mountains everyday!

I'm remembering last thanksgiving, biking to work on the surprisingly deserted streets of Chicago. I am thankful for that time, I loved biking around that city and I did like my job. You never know what is going to happen when you free yourself from expectation and obligation!

It's my life

I'm sure you know this, but I don't love evangelism. There's a part of me that doesn't care if you don't believe. I guess I care to a certain degree, but ultimately it's your decision and you have to live and deal with it. I don't love defending my beliefs is another thing- whether it be my politics, faith, life outlook, etc. For me, it's more I'm going to do my own thing and you can do yours.

This isn't to say this is what I think we're called to be. Yes, I do believe that God calls us to tell others about Him, but I think that manifests differently for everyone. For some, it will be to straightforwardly tell others about Jesus, and I'm sure there are people that would respond to that type of evangelism (I wouldn't relate with them, so I'm not going to be doing that anytime soon). For me, I think it's more of... well, this is a big part of my life, it's bound to come up and it will when it will, then I'll talk about it, but I'm not going to force the conversation. I can only talk about my life and experience. I don't represent Christianity as a whole, and I probably don't fall in line with the few Christians represented on TV (notice: that's a representation of a handful of Christians). And, if you don't believe what I believe, that's fine (and I'm pretty sure you're not Hitler), just reciprocate that respect I want to show you.

On the other hand, it does make me sad when people don't believe the Truth of the Gospel. It does. I would like you to believe and understand. I would love for you to know the hope and joy that comes through seeing life through the promises and work of God. One thing I will say, that a friend told me quite a while ago: Figure it out before you die. You don't have your whole life to think about things, but you have right now. It is a balance of living and enjoying life, while thinking about the bigger picture. You really don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. This is the best time of your life, think about it.

A comforting lie

Because there were too many pictures in the last post...

I've been thinking about this whole "Real America" bit that Republicans love to throw around. Well, here is my response after living in "Real America" for a couple of months now: If this is "Real America", then I had been living in the "Real World"!

Obviously I don't think this isn't the real world and obviously my views are skewed by the fact that this is not home and I can leave any time with other opportunities for me (oh, wait, how long did it take me to get this volunteer job??). My point is that it is no more real America out here (rural, small town) than in Chicago (or other big cities). People struggle everywhere, people join in group think no matter where they are. [And, I like the play on these pop culture references with a nod to MTV's "Real World". Yes, Palin is pop culture to me, nothing more].

I've been reading the news more and listening to NPR, seeing all the crap that is going on in the world. What are we to do? Does one political party have it right? Obviously not when things haven't "changed" all that much since that amazing day in November 2008. Not saying I wouldn't have voted for Obama, I'm still so happy he's there and not McCain (I wouldn't be in this country now if he were). It's just hard to imagine this country ever being UNITED as we so claim with our loud and proud name.

I liked my Dad's comment while watching "The Story of Us" on the history channel: "I don't think I like Lincoln anymore, he should have just left the south do their own thing. We wouldn't be dealing with them today". Of course, the war was more than that and I'm glad the north won and slavery is abolished (that legal form anyway). It's just sometimes I think this country is too big. Does that mean I'm for smaller government? Not really (because it sounds so Republican, hehe), I just think it should be more localized. But where would the money come from? We need a just distribution of funds.

I'm for taxes, I'm for letting the Bush tax cuts expire, I'm for government programs. I love John Stewert's quote about people at his rally thinking "I don't love taxes, but I like having sewers". Yes, there are problems with government programs which is why things should be localized. If you aren't for government programs, are you going to donate your extra money to causes you would support or volunteer your time? I had a friend once say to me she's not for government programs because she believes it's the church's responsibility. Well, where is the church? What are we doing?

Then, there's health care reform. A friend (apparently you have to be careful about what you say around me...) posed a question about universal health care: "Do you really want the same people that run the US Postal Service running your health care?" Um, good point. I do want health care for everyone, I think we have a broken system and it pains me.

So, Tina and I are going to start a commune... who's with us?? Oh, we're going to be a little socialist, just FYI. Man, I wish that would solve everything and that socialism really worked (it seems like such a good idea).

On Sunday Morning

If I can't dance, I don't want to be a part of your revolution! - Emma Goodman (an anarchist from the early 20th century)

Everyone's favorite topic: Church! Oh gosh, just kidding, this is another personal and complicated thing. I will say that it can be such a beautiful place and can mean so many different things to different people.

I've just recently heard this saying (but totally didn't surprise me): "The most segregated hour in America is at 9 am on a Sunday morning". Oh, this makes me so sad. What are we to do about it? I started to look into trying to go to a Spanish service, but my options would be basically only Catholic or Pentecostal; and both make me quite uncomfortable. To be honest, I'm not sure what to do about it at all. Church is segragating even within the same "culture". "Oh, I'm PCA, not PCUSA"; "We have communion every Sunday, not just the first one"; "We sing Hymns, never praise choruses", etc. Please forgive me, but I'm guilty of thinking (and, yes, saying) these things.

Here, in Colorado, living and working with a few Mennonites, we attend a Methodist church. I have never gone to a Methodist church before. At first I wasn't feeling the whole thing, but it is growing on me. That's another thing about church: it's a relationship, it changes as you get to know it more (good and bad, up and down). It's an older crowd which I was missing in Chicago, so I'm really enjoying that aspect. It's not the cool hipster church (that would look a little funny here) and the pastor isn't super intellectual, but the people love God and support (emotionally) us doing volunteer work. I think it's a good change for me.

However, something I am pretty excited about is that we (my housemates, a past volunteer, and the coordinator of our house) are going to be involved in starting a Mennonite (Anabaptist) fellowship group. The reason we are going to a Methodist church is because there is no Mennonite church out here (well, there is one up in the town I work in, but it's one of the more conservative "our women don't work outside the home" communities of Mennonites). One thing I was excited about doing this program was seeing what Mennonite churches are like because I think people (it seems more so in the northwest) have a picture of a certain type of Mennonite (see note about the community in Center) and I want to see what it's really like. I have been in mainly Presbyterian/Reformed churches during my life as a Christian and I'm excited to see a different side of Christianity.

I had a joke before I came out here that I needed to do certain things (hehe) before "I become a Mennonite". A few friends were concerned by this, asking "Are you really going to become a Mennonite??". No, well, what's that supposed to mean? As much as I identify with the Presbyterian (yes, Church of America), I don't really identify AS a Presbyterian. I think I'm a Christian and happen to like certain churches. Gotta be honest, though, I am a fan of denominations and think they serve a purpose. I think there is beauty in "organized religion" (I feel the same way about organized political parties) as opposed to chaos and no standards. No, I'm not a fan of legalism, but I think you can be organized without being legalistic (pretty sure Jesus and the first Christians were fairly organized... not oppressing). I just wish they didn't divide people as much as they do, we should all be united (there's my idealism coming out, not sure what that would look like even for myself).

So, tonight we had our first little meeting about the church. It felt really exciting to be part of something new and different. They are all Mennonites and excited about being back with Mennonites, but said they would accept me! It, of course, had a cappella singing (this is a standard of Mennonite churches) and we basically just discussed a few verses in the Bible about unity (actually stuff I talked about here and in the post about MVS!). As I learn more about what it means to be Mennonite or Anabaptist, I will try to keep you up to date. It seems like a great group of people and I am excited to see what is going to happen! Here are some photos.

A little something refreshing

I don't think I've shared this with a ton of people, but I think I can say I am officially a vegetarian now. Well, I like to call myself a "convenient vegetarian", meaning if it's inconvenient (at someone's house for dinner) I'll eat meat no problem. Also, I will eat GOOD meat; meaning, I know where it came from, what it ate, and how it was raised and killed. These days that's a little harder to come by with our meager food budget. However, when you're a known volunteer group, people around townreally seem to appreciate that sort of thing and willsometimes hook you up with great things- like a free grass fed, organic chuck roast from the actual farmer! Como se dice "awesome"? Here is our final product: Pot roast with veggies from our CSA for Sunday night family dinner!

Anyway, back to the vegetarian thing... you might recall that I was vegetarian from about 5th grade to freshman year of college. Although, my parents made me fish and chicken, so really just a red meat vegetarian. There were various reasons for this through the years, but the reason I started eating meat again was because I got annoyed with feeling rude at people house's. This next round has started because it is just getting sort of hard for me to hear all these stories about livestock farming and then support it and put it into my body. I didn't think I ate all that much meat in my life, but after thinking of things to make for dinner, I'm realizing how much I did use recipes with meat or it's weird to really think of a main dish and protein without meat (it's getting easier though). However, for the past couple of years, I have been able to buy decent meat from places like Whole Foods, so I think I could still do that, if I am ever in that position again. However, I would love to get local meat, from the farmer (oh, I'm getting spoiled here!). I think that ordering at restaurants is probably the hardest, but luckily I don't go to those much these days; this is because there are just so many more choices on the menu with meat, but I'm trying to expand my horizons.

I think this a deep issue, and I know that food choices are complicated and personal, so I don't want to shove anything down anyone throat as this isn't a pressing issue for me. If you meat, I think that's fine, just as I hope you think it's fine if I don't want to. I just want to share (and be held to this, especially at restaurants, hehe) changes in my life and thoughts I have with you. I will say though, I'm really enjoying it and feeling all around healthier.

And, here are some photos from my weekend, which includes the Monte Vista (a nearby town) Potato Festival and a game of softball (played by my friends, not me... my mom's "pep talks" have ruined me of softball, sorry mom):